Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
