Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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