I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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