Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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