sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
