why do cheetos always look like penises
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
