just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
