he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
