i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
