I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
