It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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