Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I am in a vortex of obligation.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
