That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
