Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
