Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
