My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
