Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
