I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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