why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize