Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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