as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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