I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
We are two peas in an std pod
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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