Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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