Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize