I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
