have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Randomize
