I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I checked into jail on foursquare
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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