my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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