I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
