God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
