Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Randomize
