I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
