And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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