I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
