On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
