I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Two words: blizzard sex
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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