Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
