For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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