So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
