he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
