i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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