we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
