he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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