this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
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