none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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