so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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