Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
