worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
