get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Randomize
