Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
