My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
