I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
