I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
