But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
