Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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