When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
