found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
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