Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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