I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
