Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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