apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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