I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
This is not my ceiling
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
