I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
