i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
high people should be assigned attendants
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
