So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize
