you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
