He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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