Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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