i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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