Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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