If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
