I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize