You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
