oh god the rape fog is back!
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
