the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Randomize