he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
