i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i think i scared a bird with my dick
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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