The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize