i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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