You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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