Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
