fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
