No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
