You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
