You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
it was like having sex with a tree stump
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
